Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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