oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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