ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
