better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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