Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
