you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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