Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
