Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
