I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
