she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
