If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
