Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
3pm strippers are depressing
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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