Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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