I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
