i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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