I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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