we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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