Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
