My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize