Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
