I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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