i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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