So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
