It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
