If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize