honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
