Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize