Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Alive.
So much puke
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize