He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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