Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
