All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
