apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
