so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize