My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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