My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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