Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Holy sore nipples Batman
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize