I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
