Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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