2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
