I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
