I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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