dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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