WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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