It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
