its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
