So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
