You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
