I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
