I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
