Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
