I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
