Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize