My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
