god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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