last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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