i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
