I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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