I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
