I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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