do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
