rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
