Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
