Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
