wanna go halves on a baby?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
