Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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