you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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